My Life and Love

l awake to see the light upon your face
the light of love in warmth of start of day.
Hair so soft and skin adorned with lace
A twinkle and a smile that both spell “play”
But what of illness and of suffering
That pain that tears at both our hearts
And not one ounce of luck our God does bring,
But emptiness and eternity to spend apart.
l awake to see the light upon that space
the light of love now lost at start of day
Hair so soft and memories of flimsy lace
The light of love l wish would go away.
l cannot live, my only friend is pain,
So l shall die and see my love again.

My attempt at a Shakesperean style sonnet for dVerse poets Form for all

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19 Comments

  1. September 13, 2012 at 8:40 pm

    Shows the flexibility of the form in moving from light hour to dark prayer

  2. September 13, 2012 at 8:44 pm

    I thought this was very good. You added an extra burden by using the same rhyme endings in the 1st and 3rd quatrains – however it boosted the music by becoming a kind of echoing refrain. Your meter and line length was accurate, but not overpowering, allowing the beauty and heartbreak of the poem itself to flow naturally. It gave me a little smile as it nodded just a tiny bit to the Romeo and Juliet story. An excellent poem, and kudos on writing your very fine sonnet!

  3. September 13, 2012 at 9:34 pm

    Love the poem–the use of the form is brilliant.

    • montygrant said,

      September 13, 2012 at 9:40 pm

      thanks so much Susan. Great comment

      • September 13, 2012 at 9:41 pm

        LOL, when we travel into classical forms like sonnets, I feel I am in an English Lit class, and get too intimidated to say much–forgive me, please…

  4. claudia said,

    September 13, 2012 at 9:55 pm

    so much tenderness and so much pain in this..what a felt piece..

  5. brian miller said,

    September 14, 2012 at 1:56 am

    better to die and be together than live and be apart…def some romeo and juliet there but its an honest feeling as well…def felt man

  6. Jessica said,

    September 14, 2012 at 2:02 am

    Great. This was a great read.

  7. beckykilsby said,

    September 14, 2012 at 3:54 am

    You wear the form lightly and the feeling comes through well. This reminds me of a John Clare poem – it has the flavour of the 19th century for me.

  8. Mohana said,

    September 14, 2012 at 6:04 am

    truely said! excellent!

  9. PoetJanstie said,

    September 14, 2012 at 7:59 am

    This is not just a very good sonnet, but a very fine poem. Very moving, Andy, very touching. But as far as the sonnet goes, the turn at line 9 is strong and the finish not only fitting of the Shakespearean form, which I love, but also of a Greek tragedy! Brilliant.

    PS If you change ‘awake’ into ‘wake’ in the 1st and 9th lines, the metre would be perfect.

    • montygrant said,

      September 14, 2012 at 7:00 pm

      Wow, I am really touched by your comments and I am going to edit those 2 lines straight away!! Thank you, this means a lot to me because I often read other people’s poetry and I am in awe; I could do with more confidence in my own work!

  10. September 14, 2012 at 10:06 am

    Much tenderness and pathos, beautifully rendered.

  11. Sabio Lantz said,

    September 15, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Ouch. Wow, well said. Thank you


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